Tuesday, May 31, 2011

It's been a whole year

Like the title says, it's been a whole year since i last updated my blog. Maybe because i was so lazy to post up anything before, and mind you, i actually did thought of deleting this blog. It felt useless for me to have one that i don't update much. But i know i'll miss it badly. It's somehow my only memory of my past. I had a new laptop this year, that means i left one piece of my memory behind, i had a new phone and that makes two already. I lost my hard disk that Ezu got me two years back, and i left all the hardcore fun things in life behind to move forward.

I was never a fan of chemical substance, and everyone who knew me well, should know that when it comes to that part, i'm clean. Never have, never will, god's willing. I have finally changed for the better. Well, even Rome wasn't built in a day true? Baby steps mon chéri, baby steps. It's such a huge lie to say that i don't miss my past life, not that i died or anything, but yes, i do miss the old way of life i use to have. I miss the dressing ups, i miss the craziness, i miss the hangovers, i miss the place selections, i miss the booze, i miss the games, yes, i miss everything about it. If you ask me now, i never regret going through that phase in life, i never will. It has taught me so much. It made me into who i am today.

You know when people say sometimes the days you're gonna go thru imitates the ones you have seen on TV, well, what if it's the other way around? That would be cool don't you think? What if what's happening in your life now is not all candies and rainbows? That would suck. Sometimes i wish i was far far away where no one knows me and would never harm me. Sometimes i wish that you would've came sooner. Sometimes i wish that you were him instead. But i know one thing is for sure, most of the time, i'm thankful that i always have someone to rely on. Through thick and thin, joyrides and accidents, i know i can always count on you.

Have you ever wondered how is it to love someone unconditionally? Guess what, lemme tell you something, THAT'S BULLSHIT! There will always, always be something that you would want in return. I know what i want, i want you to understand me without me even saying a word. I want you to be able to look at me and know what i want, what i need. I just wanna be over and done with this year. I want to move forward, i want to be yours for real. Not just like this. I WANT TO BE YOURS! 8-)

Hopefully this is not my last post of the century (exaggerating a little there)..

Until next time,