I want your love and all your lovers revenge!

I have much to update. A lot has been going on within these 2 weeks. Family matters, personal internal conflicts, everything. I've read all 3 editions of twilight saga e-book including the unpublished midnight sun,

Lets start off with family matters.

I've become closer with my cousins on my stepmom's side, like usual with the cousins on my late mom's side and drifted apart from my cousins on my dad's side. except for a few whom i treat like siblings. It's more comfortable being close with people who doesn't judge and accept you as you are, rather than people who tries so hard to change you. Note to daddy's family : I am what i am, if i am stupid in your eyes, then maybe i am not good enough for you. You think all of you are sooooooooooooo educated and religious, guess what, one of you cheated on your wife, and one of you dated ME when i was 15. Religious much? You think you're so superior? HAHA i'm laughing my ass off! Whatever man, one of you told your parents you dont go clubbing at all, guess what, i know you did. Be an angel in front of mummy, i don't give a damn. I'm just here to state that you no better than i am. I made mistakes yes, but you did more than i did. And you are judging me? Instead of befriending me and try to advice me, you became my enemy, WOW! ROFL! Whatever, thinking about this makes me angrier by the minute. My parents are back and our bond are getting better each day. I'm in better terms with my stepmum, I'm in excellent terms with my dad. So yea, Everything going on just okay.

Last week the Boyfriend was here with his family to meet mine. Everything went well and smooth. They came over to discuss our engagement. If all goes well, i might be the Boyfriend's fiancee in just a few months time. Wow, someone's fiancee, who knew this would come true. He's all i ever wanted, he's perfect. In every single way possible. He makes me laugh, makes me cry, he's the only person in the world who can make my heart beats faster and slower at the same time. He understands me beyond parallel universe. He's a very loving man, very careful, very kind and gentle, he's a man of every girl's dream. I can't think of anything negative of him. To sum it all up, he's HOT! Hehehehe.. I thank god for giving him to me. I'm sorry that i had to loose my friends to be with him, but guess what, those friends turn their backs on me, and he's still with me, so i think it is worth losing those friends to be with him. Not that i wanted it to be that way, sometimes i just wished that those people would just be happy for me and we can be friends again, i guess not.

As for personal internal conflict...

My new years resolution, I have a few in mind and i want it to be achievable. I might change myself a bit. Here and there. But i will still be me non the less. So yea, i think it's best for me to keep it to myself. =)

Love me or hate me,
xoxo

Hell hath no FURY like a woman scorned!!!

" Heaven has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turned,
NOR HELL A FURY, LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED!
- Willian Congreve 1697 "

And Honey,

High Heels can kill!

You know you love me,
xoxo

When things go way down deep!

Hi. I've been off radar lately. Haven't been updating my blog like i would want to due to time constrain. I know it's hols, but i'm busy working. Yeap, you got that right. I'm working at SEDC for the time being. Until 26th February and on the 27th I'll fly to Miri straight. So, what's new? Nothing much. The 2 best friends celebrated my birthday with me. They bought me this awesome necklace with a "B" pendant with crown details on it. It's an insight joke for us, but yea, i still love it. It's like a lucky charm for me now. I have the awesomest friends in the world! Speaking of which, they went out behind my back just to get me the present. awwwwwwww.. You guys rock and i love you! My 2 favourite girls, Raula and Nadea. It hasn't been the best 2 weeks of my life. I'm so not use to not having my dad around.

DADDY!!! COME HOME NOW! I MISS YOU TOO MUCH!!!

So, referring to the title above (damn i sound so formal), I'm the type of person who would get all obsessed with something if i find it uberly interesting. But it's not everyday i feel that way. It so happens that my current obsession is.. (i know, i know, everyone will go, "hm.. isn't that a surprise") Twilight. I recently finished the whole Saga, including the unpublished Midnight Sun. I find it interesting and the movie is okay, not bad. Missing a few details here and there, plus changes made here n there, but still, it's a great movie non the less, although it would be perfectly awesome if it was played by the book!

I've been active on twitter lately. Been following E!online. And this morning, something pissed me off real bad! (No, not the Tiger Woods drama, i mean seriously, come on! Like, WHO CARES!) This article caught my attention! It was somehow making sense. If box office blockbusters don't make the cut on Golden Globe or the Oscars, then what's the whole point of breaking the record on highest earnings on the opening day for a movie? Seriously? Doesn't that count in determining the nominations? Well, at least a few other awards if the best actor and best actress isn't in order for. But then again, come to think of it, it's not the movie of the century, it's just a phenomenon. Something that people went crackers for. Still, it didn't deserved to be criticized so bad. Tell me you went to watch it and not felt all loopy. Seriously? Somehow, somewhere there is a part that you like, a part you went bonkers about. True? And still people think it's not worth watching. Oh well, movies are subjective, it depends on people's interests.

And here i am in a dilemma. Should i or should i not? I don't know.

Love me or hate me,
xoxo

Keep the blessings to a maximum!

Everything has been good these days. Except the fact that a bad thing had to happen in order for the good things to happen, but yea. I'm so happy! =)

• I had cheetos for breakfast.
• Man United won, leading on the group followed by CSKA Moscow.
• Liverpool dropped to the Europa League.
• I finally got what i want now.
• The boyfriend woke me up and made my day.
• I came to work so damn early and not late anymore.
• I'm online at work.
• Papa's in a good mood and i'm missing him so bad.
• I'm just so happy!

So yea.. everything happens for a reason, I just hope this is my right path. =)

Cherrio, xoxo

Issues!

It's not the person in the picture who's important, But it's what the picture potrays. Read the picture.

I melted!

Makes me think about who my Jacob is!

I would love to have this family!

She's so bitter!

And I melted!

My Edward? My Jacob. I love you both! =)

Cherrio, XOXO

2 years, 2 months and counting...

Thanks baby.. For the flowers and for the cake, and also for the surprise advanced birthday bash on our monthsary! It makes me miss you more each day. I know my posts are gonna be emotional but hey, it's my blog! I still remember the old Ezuan i knew wayyyyy back in 2006. He wasn't as bubbly as now. He was the type to control his feelings and act all macho in front of people. Its a result of his heartbreak, but hey, everyone has to go through that stage in life. And then there was the Me-Dira-Danny-Ezuan era. We we best friends. Always the 4 of us together and that's where me and Ezuan got damn close. Now? It's been 2 years and 2 months since we first decided to be together. There are speed bumps along the way but we made it through. We lost friends too and gained new ones. It's life. Everything happens for a reason. Qada' and Qadar. Everything is already written. I may not be in a position to be all religious and stuff, but i am trying. I'm trying to leave everything behind. I had my fucked up shares of a teenage life and i think it's about time to let it go. It's about time for me to deal with things like an adult. It's about time that i get back on the right path, prepare myself to be a perfect wife with God's blessings.

Yea, you read it right. If it all goes well, I'd be married in 5 years time. Fingers crossed? Thanks! Insya'allah it will happen as planned. I am sure that i am in love, in love with the right person, in love with Mr. Right.

Anyways, It's been a good start to be back in Kuching. Surprisingly i'm awake at 5am everyday since 2 days back. I hope it continues on. I hope i start work Next week. Now that i'm back i miss my friends. I miss those people who drops an impact to my life.

For instance, I miss Jay! I miss her so much. Normally i'd go out with her, lunch? dinner? supper? All of it. I miss shopping with her and watching movies! And where there's Jay, usually there's Ellyss too! I miss that lil kid!

I miss Sedut!!!!!! I miss Tompoq!!!!!! I miss Hillie!!!!! I miss my housemates Fyza and Abby! I miss everyone! But it's okay. When the time comes, we'll be back together with new adventures to explore!

Cherrio, XOXO

22-11-2009

It's the best date ever! I love my friends and most of all, I LOVE the BOYFRIEND!!! Lemme just post up pictures cuz it worth a thousand words. (Plus, busy no time!)

Bad mood day!

SOMEONE missed his flight! I'm sad!

Look who's in town! After 4-5 years we didnt see each other. Surprisingly we get along superbly.

Peace offering... who knows how long that'll last!

And of course, the best friend celebrated my advance birthday party with me.

I had the most awesomest night ever in my life. Had all my friends there with me minus a few who couldn't make it. They threw me a surprise birthday party! AWESOME! I had a a bouquet of flowers from the Boyfriend. Baby i miss you so much! And i had a "PRESENT" from the boys. I love you so much!

To all my boys :

1. Syamim Shukor
2. Taufiq Nasir
3. Lutfi Zayyani
4. Hafis Izwan
5. Aswad Mohd
6. Chong Azrul
7. NICHOLAS GALA BATO
8. Karibi Sopriala
9. Abu Zhaar
10. Ahmad Hafizi
11. Syabil Pauzi
12. Fuad Shaarani
    
13. Hafeedzil Iqbal (Last but not least)

... and also to my girls :

1. Rahilah Abdul Halim
2. Jenny Jimmy
3. Heather Ubong
4. Rachel Kedung
   

I thank you guys so much!

I just hope that Nadea, Abby, Steve, Vanessa, Fidah, Fiza, Raula, Hanum, Syed, Efa, Hanie, Krel, Edah and of all people Idzuan to be there. But it's okay, you're always in my mind and in my heart. Somehow i wished i could spend end of sem parties with Mathew. Dude, i miss you loads!

Cherrio,
XOXO

Goodbye my friend, I know you're gone, you said you're gone but i can still feel you're here.

Dearest Matt,

I'm angry at you for leaving days before our exam. You promised that we would study together. And you bailed on me. For a nice guy like you, that's not a nice thing to do. I'm so mad at you for not taking good care of yourself. And for doing our assignments at the very last minute...

But i know you didn't want to leave just yet, but then He wants you to be with him, and it's already your time to go. I wished we would've studied earlier so that i could have the opportunity to hang out with you before you leave. I wished i wasn't back home in KCH that night. I wish i was here. I didnt even get to see you off. I miss you so dearly already. I miss the times i make fun of you when you came into my apartment. I miss the times i pretend i was angry at you just so you would argue with me. I miss the times when you suddenly pop up out of nowhere just to say hi to me. I miss the times we played monopoly and make Fyza angry. I miss the times we go partying together. I miss the times when you would just sit down and talk to me about anything. I miss the times when you give me advice which sometimes makes no sense.

I wish you were still here in front of me so that i can tell you how much we're all gonna miss you and how truly we love and appreciate you. I know for sure you're looking down on us and taking care of us from above. We really miss you Matt.

There will come a day
When you will be able, able to say
Never mind the pain, all the aggravation
You know there's a better way
For you and me to be

Look for the rainbow in every storm
Fly like an angel heaven sent to me

Goodbye my friend
I know you're gone, you said you're gone but I can still feel you here
It's not the end
You gotta keep it strong before the pain turns into fear
So glad we made it, time will never change it...

The times when we would play about
The way we used to scream and shout
We never dreamed you'd go your own sweet way..

You will surely be missed by all. May you rest in peace and whatever journey he has in-stored for you after this life, may it always be pleasant and our prayers are always with you.

In loving memory of Mathew Jose Katikkaran

Berlalulah sudah Ramadhan sebulan berpuasa. Tiba Syawal kita rayakan dengan rasa gembira...

It's Raya today, and also my 2 years anniversary! but why aren't i happy?

You, you were there for me but then you walked away.

I don't know what i did wrong to make you drift away from me.

I don't mind she being close with you but why her? Why my best friend?

Thanks for making me feel this way.

Sayang, i'm sorry to ever break your heart..

I love you so much and we'll be together always soon!

Cherrio, xoxo

You're old and you know it, but you know it's worth to grow up!

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to Ezuan,
Happy birthday to you!

Allah selamatkan kamu,
Allah selamatkan kamu,
Allah selamatkan Muhammad Idzuan Ismail,
Allah selamatkan kamu.

Baby Love,

It's your birthday today, and you're a year older now. Make sure that you are a year wiser. I know you made the right decisions for yourself and our future. Come what may, we'll face it together. You know I love you more than words can say! I miss you! hehehehehehe.. You take care there. We'll be together soon!

Lots of love from your girlfriend,
Ameara Sarayati

Every night in my dreams, i see you, i feel you

I've been missing you again. Yes you. My love, You're the strength that kept me going. You're the light in my dark and gloomy world. You can't imagine how much i am in love with you. I can't wait for the weekend when we'll be together again. I love that you love me for who i am. I love that you take very good care of me. I love that you call me names and it doesn't have to be the same everyday. I love how you call me sunshine. I love how you stroke my hair and smell it. I love how you choose outfits and stuff for me. I love everything about you! And for that i went over to see you!

Baby,

I appreciate everything you've done for me and for that i want you to know i love you dearly, more than words can say and definitely unconditionally.

Mea

Cherrio, XOXO

Trip to Kota Kinabalu!

I had an awesome trip to KK! Like AWESOME! Really really AWESOME! It's been 2 weeks since i didn't meet the boyfriend, finally, made up all the days i've missed him! Hehehehe..

So, morning of day one, i woke up at 5.30am at first and went back to sleep. Finally woke up at 6.45am. Got ready for the day out and left the house at 8.30am. SO EXCITED! Then the boyfriend picked me up and we "kidnapped" Anisah (the Boyfriend's cousin). Turns out, she is memang my type of girl! Hehehehehe.. We had fun okay. Like real fun! We hang out at Starbucks before heading over to Jega's place to pick him up. And then we had breakfast at come exclusive food court. Even the toilet has a garden! Heh! Then we sent Jega at Wisma Merdeka. The Boyfriend, myself and Anisah went to Philipines market to do some shopping! Bought a few bracelets and THHHHHHEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN...
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Off to meet the Mother-in-law-to-be! OMG! i can't tell you how much i was scared and nervous. I almost puked real bad! And then i finally get to meet her. We had lunch and ate Soto Daging. Been looking forward to eat Soto and Bakso. Ezuan's youngest brother is SOOOOOOOOO Cute!!! I feel like pinching his cheeks always. Go round again. And super fair. Hehehe.. After lunch we went to the Boyfriend's house and played piano, guitar heroes and nintendo Wii. So fun!!! That is when i got auditioned by Ezuan's Dad! He made me play the piano cuz he heard me playing before he came down to see me. Ezuan's got a really nice family. They're the family oriented type of people which is No.1 on my list as preference of "in-laws" and most of all "husband to be" and Ezuan is definitely like that.

Around 5pm we went to the airport to pick up Papa and Mummy and we went to Le Meridien where we stayed for 2 nights. The room was effing huge! And very very very comfortable. We went to Likas to see the sunset. Ate at Anjung Selera, and as usual, the Boyfriend finished the food! Hehehehehe.. Anisah was amazed of how much food was ordered and how few people were eating. She knows me better now, one step at a time. Hehehehe.. After that the Boyfriend, myself and Anisah went to Warisan Square where i bought a very nice dress. Tried Veda Blue ice cream and the chicken pie. Went to Pasar Malam to meet my mom and aunts. And after that i went back to the room.

Day one was awesome! I finally get to see Ezuan after 2 weeks being apart. This may sound cheeky and cheezy, but even after 2 years knowing each other, i still can't be apart from him more than a week. What more to say a month? I'd get crazy. Even last year's 3 months holiday, he'd come visit me every month. Once in Kuching and then once in Miri.

Day two he came around 9ish to see me. We had breakfast with my mom and aunts and then we head off to OneBorneo. We had the morning all to ourselves. Only then can he finally hug me and kiss me without worrying. He bought me slipper from Roxy, a bangle and bought me Pizza from Mario's. We went from top to bottom but not everywhere though. The Boyfriend finally got to try the boots he wanted so much! Hehehehe.. Adidas F50 Leo Messi edition. It was amazing that boots. After OneBorneo we went to pick up Dinesh and Anisah to meet up with Peechee and Chris at Little Italy. It was awesome, meeting up with the KK friends. Peechee was shocked to see me at first but he delt with it. Hehehehe.. Chris told me about his schedule as the driver of the family. Kesian!!!! Hehehehe.. I had Lagsana, and self made flavor pizza, and then bruchettas. Everyone was EFFING full! As usual, the Boyfriend had to finish the leftovers! Hehehehe.. Gave Peechee the drink i bought for him from Kuching. The drink it self is called Peachee! Hehehehe.. And then i learned something about KK guys, they are very very very aware of their surrounding. Hehehehe.. Ezuan, Jega, Chris and Peechee, they see girls pass by, start la they rate the girl.. from top to toe. Skali one of it they judge from afar. They say look so very hot. And then when she came closer and took off her glasses, Peechee said this "Dari jauh nampak macam 19 year old, dekat2 nampak macam mama 19 year old" Hahahahaha.. These boys are funny and i love them all! Thanks Peechee for the wonderful lunch!

After lunch we went over to Wisma Merdeka to just walk around and then to Centerpoint where i had my phone strap made and my necklace too. Thanks baby for the presents! I love you so much! Hehehehe.. I had Yoyo, which apparently is "the drink" to have when you're in KK. I had chocolate with chocolate pudding? Something like that. Hehehehe.. anyway, after yoyo we went to send Dinesh cuz he had to go back early to have dinner with his parents. We went to Pasar Malam again to meet up with my mom and the aunts after sending Dinesh. Baby Love bought me a new purse and i love it. I used it straight after he bought me. Hehehehe.. And i went back after the tiring day. Talked online with the Boyfriend again! I dont think i can ever have enough of him. I can't wait to marry him at this point. Hehehe..

And finally, day 3, the boyfriend came over at 8am to send me off. We went for breakfast and after that i packed a bit and Papa said to leave as soon as possible. I can't stand the sorrow in me to have to leave the Boyfriend again, i teared up in front of the hotel. But the Boyfriend said it's gonna be only for a few days and we'll see each other again in KL. And i'm counting on that. I left KK with tears in my eyes but i left my heart there, with him. I've been missing him again ever since. I'm glad that everything went well with the parents, on both sides. The Boyfriend and i have our promise rings already, all we are waiting for is to finish studies and then we can be together all the time. If everything goes well, i'll be Mrs Idzuan sooner than you think. *smiles*

Cherrio, XOXO

p/s : pictures have to wait until i get back to Kuching. I left the cable there! Heh...

A conversation between 2 sisters!

Aida : btw..gerek ktk study di KK?

Ameara : lain rasa bah
nope
curtin miri also

Aida : aok.. nang lain rasa

Ameara : but diam KK
nervous kmk aie..
sunday tok jumpa parents nya!!!

Aida : org KK?

Ameara : kak eda, tips lok :P

Aida : LOL
boh nebes

Ameara : aok org KK

Aida : be yourself but kesantunan plu dijaga

Ameara : hehehehehehe

Aida : hehe ambik ati parents sidak

Ameara : okay!
gik gik?

Aida : I think u r good enuff to see them
confidence jak :)
memang nervous akan ada..
dun wori ur gerek ada di sia bah

Ameara : the parents dah di breif about my background
but still kmk takut la

Aida : lol takut ya kan hilang haha but ktk excited juak nak

I am very very excited! But at the same time, I'm scared! The sister and Ola told me the same thing : to just be myself. Hope everything works out. Fingers crossed!!!

Cherrio, XOXO

my heart seems to skip another beat every time we speak, I can't believe I feel so weak

It's weird how 6 years of emotion got trapped in one side of my conscious for so long. I dont know either it was love or hatred or confusion or anything love related but somehow it was settled in my dreams. Funny don't you think?

To whomever it may concern,

What i had for you was the past. And i've never been so sure about it ever in my life. I don't know either this is just the crazy me talking but i somehow talked to you in my sleep. Although one thing is for sure, I don't ever wanna loose you again. I just want you in my life, doesn't mean you have to be the special someone, i just want you as a friend in my life. Someone i can talk to about anything. For the past 6 years, I've been missing you. Like how i miss Tompoq when he's not around. Like how i miss Sedut when he went missing. Like how i miss Andy when he went away for every 6 months. I will always care about you and you are important in my life. That's about it.

Yours Truly,
Mea

XOXO

Something long way over due!

London

Border

Amsterdam

Switzerland

Paris