I want your love and all your lovers revenge!

I have much to update. A lot has been going on within these 2 weeks. Family matters, personal internal conflicts, everything. I've read all 3 editions of twilight saga e-book including the unpublished midnight sun,

Lets start off with family matters.

I've become closer with my cousins on my stepmom's side, like usual with the cousins on my late mom's side and drifted apart from my cousins on my dad's side. except for a few whom i treat like siblings. It's more comfortable being close with people who doesn't judge and accept you as you are, rather than people who tries so hard to change you. Note to daddy's family : I am what i am, if i am stupid in your eyes, then maybe i am not good enough for you. You think all of you are sooooooooooooo educated and religious, guess what, one of you cheated on your wife, and one of you dated ME when i was 15. Religious much? You think you're so superior? HAHA i'm laughing my ass off! Whatever man, one of you told your parents you dont go clubbing at all, guess what, i know you did. Be an angel in front of mummy, i don't give a damn. I'm just here to state that you no better than i am. I made mistakes yes, but you did more than i did. And you are judging me? Instead of befriending me and try to advice me, you became my enemy, WOW! ROFL! Whatever, thinking about this makes me angrier by the minute. My parents are back and our bond are getting better each day. I'm in better terms with my stepmum, I'm in excellent terms with my dad. So yea, Everything going on just okay.

Last week the Boyfriend was here with his family to meet mine. Everything went well and smooth. They came over to discuss our engagement. If all goes well, i might be the Boyfriend's fiancee in just a few months time. Wow, someone's fiancee, who knew this would come true. He's all i ever wanted, he's perfect. In every single way possible. He makes me laugh, makes me cry, he's the only person in the world who can make my heart beats faster and slower at the same time. He understands me beyond parallel universe. He's a very loving man, very careful, very kind and gentle, he's a man of every girl's dream. I can't think of anything negative of him. To sum it all up, he's HOT! Hehehehe.. I thank god for giving him to me. I'm sorry that i had to loose my friends to be with him, but guess what, those friends turn their backs on me, and he's still with me, so i think it is worth losing those friends to be with him. Not that i wanted it to be that way, sometimes i just wished that those people would just be happy for me and we can be friends again, i guess not.

As for personal internal conflict...

My new years resolution, I have a few in mind and i want it to be achievable. I might change myself a bit. Here and there. But i will still be me non the less. So yea, i think it's best for me to keep it to myself. =)

Love me or hate me,
xoxo

Trip to Kota Kinabalu!

I had an awesome trip to KK! Like AWESOME! Really really AWESOME! It's been 2 weeks since i didn't meet the boyfriend, finally, made up all the days i've missed him! Hehehehe..

So, morning of day one, i woke up at 5.30am at first and went back to sleep. Finally woke up at 6.45am. Got ready for the day out and left the house at 8.30am. SO EXCITED! Then the boyfriend picked me up and we "kidnapped" Anisah (the Boyfriend's cousin). Turns out, she is memang my type of girl! Hehehehehe.. We had fun okay. Like real fun! We hang out at Starbucks before heading over to Jega's place to pick him up. And then we had breakfast at come exclusive food court. Even the toilet has a garden! Heh! Then we sent Jega at Wisma Merdeka. The Boyfriend, myself and Anisah went to Philipines market to do some shopping! Bought a few bracelets and THHHHHHEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN...
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Off to meet the Mother-in-law-to-be! OMG! i can't tell you how much i was scared and nervous. I almost puked real bad! And then i finally get to meet her. We had lunch and ate Soto Daging. Been looking forward to eat Soto and Bakso. Ezuan's youngest brother is SOOOOOOOOO Cute!!! I feel like pinching his cheeks always. Go round again. And super fair. Hehehe.. After lunch we went to the Boyfriend's house and played piano, guitar heroes and nintendo Wii. So fun!!! That is when i got auditioned by Ezuan's Dad! He made me play the piano cuz he heard me playing before he came down to see me. Ezuan's got a really nice family. They're the family oriented type of people which is No.1 on my list as preference of "in-laws" and most of all "husband to be" and Ezuan is definitely like that.

Around 5pm we went to the airport to pick up Papa and Mummy and we went to Le Meridien where we stayed for 2 nights. The room was effing huge! And very very very comfortable. We went to Likas to see the sunset. Ate at Anjung Selera, and as usual, the Boyfriend finished the food! Hehehehehe.. Anisah was amazed of how much food was ordered and how few people were eating. She knows me better now, one step at a time. Hehehehe.. After that the Boyfriend, myself and Anisah went to Warisan Square where i bought a very nice dress. Tried Veda Blue ice cream and the chicken pie. Went to Pasar Malam to meet my mom and aunts. And after that i went back to the room.

Day one was awesome! I finally get to see Ezuan after 2 weeks being apart. This may sound cheeky and cheezy, but even after 2 years knowing each other, i still can't be apart from him more than a week. What more to say a month? I'd get crazy. Even last year's 3 months holiday, he'd come visit me every month. Once in Kuching and then once in Miri.

Day two he came around 9ish to see me. We had breakfast with my mom and aunts and then we head off to OneBorneo. We had the morning all to ourselves. Only then can he finally hug me and kiss me without worrying. He bought me slipper from Roxy, a bangle and bought me Pizza from Mario's. We went from top to bottom but not everywhere though. The Boyfriend finally got to try the boots he wanted so much! Hehehehe.. Adidas F50 Leo Messi edition. It was amazing that boots. After OneBorneo we went to pick up Dinesh and Anisah to meet up with Peechee and Chris at Little Italy. It was awesome, meeting up with the KK friends. Peechee was shocked to see me at first but he delt with it. Hehehehe.. Chris told me about his schedule as the driver of the family. Kesian!!!! Hehehehe.. I had Lagsana, and self made flavor pizza, and then bruchettas. Everyone was EFFING full! As usual, the Boyfriend had to finish the leftovers! Hehehehe.. Gave Peechee the drink i bought for him from Kuching. The drink it self is called Peachee! Hehehehe.. And then i learned something about KK guys, they are very very very aware of their surrounding. Hehehehe.. Ezuan, Jega, Chris and Peechee, they see girls pass by, start la they rate the girl.. from top to toe. Skali one of it they judge from afar. They say look so very hot. And then when she came closer and took off her glasses, Peechee said this "Dari jauh nampak macam 19 year old, dekat2 nampak macam mama 19 year old" Hahahahaha.. These boys are funny and i love them all! Thanks Peechee for the wonderful lunch!

After lunch we went over to Wisma Merdeka to just walk around and then to Centerpoint where i had my phone strap made and my necklace too. Thanks baby for the presents! I love you so much! Hehehehe.. I had Yoyo, which apparently is "the drink" to have when you're in KK. I had chocolate with chocolate pudding? Something like that. Hehehehe.. anyway, after yoyo we went to send Dinesh cuz he had to go back early to have dinner with his parents. We went to Pasar Malam again to meet up with my mom and the aunts after sending Dinesh. Baby Love bought me a new purse and i love it. I used it straight after he bought me. Hehehehe.. And i went back after the tiring day. Talked online with the Boyfriend again! I dont think i can ever have enough of him. I can't wait to marry him at this point. Hehehe..

And finally, day 3, the boyfriend came over at 8am to send me off. We went for breakfast and after that i packed a bit and Papa said to leave as soon as possible. I can't stand the sorrow in me to have to leave the Boyfriend again, i teared up in front of the hotel. But the Boyfriend said it's gonna be only for a few days and we'll see each other again in KL. And i'm counting on that. I left KK with tears in my eyes but i left my heart there, with him. I've been missing him again ever since. I'm glad that everything went well with the parents, on both sides. The Boyfriend and i have our promise rings already, all we are waiting for is to finish studies and then we can be together all the time. If everything goes well, i'll be Mrs Idzuan sooner than you think. *smiles*

Cherrio, XOXO

p/s : pictures have to wait until i get back to Kuching. I left the cable there! Heh...

You know i love you mama.. You're the queen of my heart!

By the way,

Happy 2nd Year Anniversary to Papa and Mummy
(not that you're reading)

I was watching Stepmom on tv2 just now. Makes me miss my late mom so much. I know a lot of people think i hate my stepmom. The fact is that i don't. All i feel is that i don't want anything to change. I just want my Ummi to be here. Wish she was here. It's hard you know. As you may read from my previous posts, she's one hell of a super woman. There is no replacement, ever in the whole wide world. I just want a day, where i can actually cry in her arms and tell her all my problems, be her baby girl one more time. I know people say that she's always with me. She's always in my heart and all, but i just want, for once, to see her in front of my eyes, hugging her. I miss that a lot. I always imagine what it would be like if there's only me, Papa and Ummi, with little Amy and Nini.. what would it be like? I can only ask myself those questions. I have no answer for it. I don't ever want my parents to cry for me ever again. I don't want my mom to cry because of me. Sometimes i cry in my sleep. When i think of her, I'd smile to myself, thinking all the memories i have. Which is not much. I've only known the woman half my life. It's not enough. I know i'm the furthest from a perfect daughter right now, but i'm learning to be one. I'd sacrifice anything in the world to meet her again. Meet someone who looks like her. I know this is stupid. But before this, i use to share my ex-boyfriends mom. She's one heck of a woman. Just that when she gives me a hug, i felt loved. I felt my mom's presence in her. Now that my dad has a new wife, i have a new stepmom, i still can't accept it. But I'm learning. I hope one day i can accept her as my mom. But for now just let it be. It needs time. Quote from the Stepmom movie just now :

" Isabel: I never wanted to be a mom. Well sharing it with you is one thing, carrying it alone for the rest of my life, always being compared to you. You're perfect. They worship you. I just don't want to be looking over my shoulder for the next 20 years knowing that someone else could have done it right, done it better, the way that I can't.

Jackie: What do you have that I don't?

Isabel: Your mother earth incarnate.

Jackie: You're hip and fresh.

Isabel: You ride with Anna.

Jackie: You'll learn.

Isabel: You know every story, every wound, every memory. Their whole life's happiness is wrapped up in you. Don't you get it? Look down the road at her wedding. I'm in a room, alone with her, fitting her veil, fluffing her dress, telling her no woman has ever looked that beautiful. And my fear is that she'll be thinking, I wish my mom was here.

Jackie: And mine is, she won't. But the truth is, she doesn't have to choose. She can have us both, love us both. And she'll become a better person because of me and because of you. I have their past and you can have their future."

I don't know what my mom wants me to think. but that's the best i can think of too. I just miss her so much.

You taught me everything and everything you've given me
I always keep it inside
You're the driving force in my life, yeah
There isn't anything or anyone that I can be
And it just wouldn't feel right
If I didn't have you by my side
You were there for me to love and care for me when skies were grey
Whenever I was down you were always there to comfort me
And no one else can be what you have been to me
You will always be, you always will be the girl
In my life for all times

Mama, mama you know I love you
Oh you know I love you
Mama, mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama, I just want you to know
Lovin' you is like food to my soul
Yes it is

You're always down for me
Have always been around for me even when I was bad
You showed me right from my wrong
Yes you did
And you took up for me
When everyone was downin' me
You always did understand
You gave me strength to go on
There was so many times looking back when I was so afraid
And then you come to me and say to me I can face anything
And no one else can do what you have done for me
You'll always be, you will always be the girl in my life

Mama, mama you know I love you
Oh you know I love you
Mama, mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama, I just want you to know
Lovin' you is like food to my soul
Yes it is

Never gonna go a day without you
Fills me up just thinking of you
I'll never go a day without my mama

Mama, mama you know I love you
Oh you know I love you
Mama, mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama, I just want you to know
Lovin' you is like food to my soul
Yes it is

Yes you are

Somehow i know she is listening to my every cry, my every thought. I'm happy just to think that she's up where Allah SWT is taking care of her.

In loving memory of Hanifah Mohsen and Amylia Maisarah Misnu
(1961-1999, 1998-1999)

Cherrio, xoxo

you know you love me, xoxo, gossip girl..

Was watching the latest Gossip Girl episode, Remains of the J, and somehow i could relate to it but not much. NO! I could not relate to having trust funds, platinum credit cards, private jet vacation, limousine to school, sophisticated soiree or the designer brands. It's just too much to ask for in my lifetime right now.

But the drama, and the twist, who doesn't?

True?

With all the pees and poes happening these few days, i am DONE! I'm just sick of defending myself to other people who matters to me but heck, i don't mean shit in their life. SAD? I know. Think whatever you want, act however you want, i will not care anymore because i can't keep satisfying your wants. I just want this to be over, and done.

Back to Gossip Girl,



I reaaaaaaaaaaaally like Poppy Lifton! I like her character. I was saying to Baby Love how i wish i had a friend like that, and i snapped. Wait, I do have a friend like that. You know who i'm talking about biatch! She's like the good friend who's always there but not always visible. Get what i mean? Haha.. i'm thinking too much. And yes, i am really really relieved that i know where i stand now.

I can't want to go back home. First time i've been this excited to go back home since the day i left home. I can't wait to see my babies, can't wait for sushi, mi kolok, laksa, mi jawa, satay simpang, my cousins, my friends. Too much to justify.

Honestly, i don't like judging people, and guess what, i didn't give u the privilage to judge me. You think you know everything, well, think again.

Cherrio, XOXO

Transformer?

People change a lot after a while. Physically and character-wise. It's amazing to see how people change, really. From being super obese to an hourglass figure, eccentric to maximum introvert or vice versa, friendly to most hated.. and a lot more.

No offense to anyone, this post is not to lash out to anyone of anything, it's a post about me and my sister. Don't take it the wrong way.

Anyway, i was showing my pictures to my friends, old pictures when i realize something, my sister was soooooo cute and cuddly before. She's like the best to hug and she giggles a lot and i love her till death do us part. Now that i'm way far from her, i miss her a lot. When i was back home, we were always on each other's throats. Like it or not she is still my sister and i'd give up my life for her. I wouldn't trade her for anything or anyone else in the world. So, here's the picture of my cute sister and me.

This was taken 3 years ago, before i was in Curtin. She's soooooo cute back then and still. I like seeing her run cuz she looks like a penguin when she does, in a cute way. And the weird thing was she loves watching cartoons with penguins in it. Heh..

So cute right? hehehehe.. And now, she doesn't look like this anymore, in a way it bummes me out 'cause i like those chubby cheeks of hers. After a few years, she grew up gracefully to be a girly girl. Sad, i wasn't there to witness it. I had to be in Curtin for studies, so yea.

This was taken early last year. She transformed! She lost weight, and became more beautiful. Now that she's in primary school, she learned how to make friends, share her things and help around the house. I'm so proud of her. I know someday she'll be successful and be a pretty young lady. By then my dad will have her to worry about instead of me.

My sister, niece and sister in law. They are the pretty ladies. Miss them so much and see the difference between my sister's picture 5 years ago and last year? Gosh i'm just blabbering and oh well... I'm bored, sue me. Now i have nothing more to add. Alright then,

Cherrio, XOXO

Night Out

OMG! I never went out with friends, back home in Kuching, at night, till this time around. Went out at 6+ almost 7, and went back 5 minutes before 11. Heh... Went to Jenk's place while waiting for Van and Azfar.

Sent off my cousin and my aunt to the airport. So sad to see them leave. Haih... Won't be seeing my cute little niece anytime soon. =( My mom had to buy them an extra luggage bag because their hand luggage was too much. Hahahaha...

Anyways, me, Jenk, Van and Azfar went to McD to eat and as usual, i didn't finish my food. That's when i wish my baby and Dinesh were there. Miss those 2 so much! Van got herself a tatoo at her leg. It's a big phoenix and it looks great! heh... Will update soon enough.

XOXO

Boredom

I'm going back to miri soon, and i'm missing all my friends so much. Haih... Miss Abby, miss Dinesh, miss Fidah, miss everyone back home. Even miss Fariq and the others. =( I'm so bored at times that i wish i have class. Really. Or at least be in Miri and could give a hand to May, helping her prepare for orientation. I miss my family back in Miri.

About this friend of mine, hm... i know it's not right to talk about people but i just had to rite it down somewhere, just had to express it out somehow. I don't know what to say other than i'm not sure what to do with our "friendship". I still do care about her, but the way she treated me in the past, just doesn't calm my heart ache towards the whole thing. No friend would threatened the other right? No matter what the problem is, friends work it out. I did try to, but she just won't let me. But now, both of us are totally different people, so we can say, somehow we changed. For the better i hope. I love her, because she's one of my oldest friends, and i hope we can work things out.

About my family, i just don't get it. Sometimes everyone back home are okay, but most of the times, they're meanies! I have no idea what's going on back home. CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUT OF KUCHING! This place is turning into HELL! Hope one day it'll turn to HEAVEN again like it use to.

XOXO

Day OUT

Last wednesday i went out with my cousins and yes, we watched movies. not watch A movie, but movies. Wednesday, normally they have special rates for the tickets and at first, our original plan was to watch only one movie, but then after we decided to watch another right after the first one finished. We went to watch Wanted at first.



She's so cool!



Even my boyfriend is in love with her.





Me, Nina, Nora and the boys - Shah and Ehan. I miss them already. They're my favourite cousins! Shah and Ehan are like our bodyguards. And they're the reason we can actually finish our food! Oh yea.. and right after the movie Wanted finished, which was at 4.45 pm, we decided to watch Get Smart since it's starting at 5 pm.



I haven't been out with my cousins like that for a long long time. The last time i remembered we all went out like that was when my late mom was still alive. It was a really family bonding day. And i like it. I'm so looking forward for all of us to have our holidays at the same time again.

XOXO