My vow to my Romeo

Things have been quite overwhelming lately. Done with my second last semester and going through internship at a friendly place with great people around me, having my fiancé leave me at this place again, only this time, he left because he wants to finish up his degree and move on with the next phase in his life. 

If anyone knows me well, they would know that i am blogging again either because i'm bored, or it just so happens that i have something on my mind to share with the world. I've been so drown with the idea of getting over with the bachelor degree already that i forgot how much this place has affected my life. I met a whole bunch of awesome friends that i will never ever leave and forget for the rest of my life. I found my true love. I finally indulge in something that i love doing, being around people, reading them, knowing them and dealing with them. 

I'm not a cryptic person, nor am i a heartless bitch. I'm still trying to find out who i am and what i will be. But everytime i look at my left hand, it reminds me that there is a man out there, missing me, wishing i was there with him. I sound so mushy and irritatingly in love. Trust me, i'm just trying to get this off my system. If sharing my love story with the world is a crime, then i apologize. 

Ezuan has been great, lovely, the best thing that's ever happen to me. He's my fairytale. We have been through a lot together. Ups and downs, highest point in my life now and lowest that i was ever in. I know i'm only 24, I have a lot more to go through in life. Ezu brings out the best in me. He seems to be so ignorant and heartless at first, i said that because he never once was jealous of the many guy friends i had, i once thought he did not have the slightest romantic bone in him. Seemed to be a realist and thought that saying "I love you" may seem enough. I guess KL really did change him. (Thank God it wasn't me who tried to change him) 

Distance works for us, it taught him that loving someone is not just by saying I love you, but also showing the gesture of loving the person. He turned to be a perfect gentleman, took care of me as if i'm some brittle hearted little girl that he could not afford to hurt even one scratch. I finally found someone who could love me as me, not trying to change anything about me. Ezu would take a bullet for me, set aside his own life just to please mine, sacrifice everything in his power just to put a smile on my face. I am so fortunate, so blessed to have someone so perfect to walk along the whirlwind of my life. 

I have read numerous love stories from books, magazines, where ever it may be, i just hope and wish that my love story lasts a lifetime.

So, sweetheart, i vow to be the best person i can be, to cherish every single moment of our time together, be your strength when you need it, be the light that shines on you, always be there for you, come hell or high water and hope that our love may last a lifetime, eternally. Forever and always.

Amira Saryati Binti Misnu

Midnight in Lakeside

(Title from the 2011 movie Midnight in Paris)

I figured if i post multiple statuses on Facebook, people would just simply get annoyed with me. And on Twitter too. Readers would be thinking like "What the hell is wrong with this girl? Weird no?" I think it's due to having so much workload, i suddenly feel very restless even when i am suppose to be sleeping. Thus the post on this long abandoned blog.

As i always do, i update about my surrounding. I would like and love to highlight the fact that i do not hold any grudges to anyone but i am not at that stage where i would go around making amends to everyone who hates me. That's just plain weird. I know it's a good thing being the bigger person to actually say sorry even when you have done nothing wrong (in your opinion, doesn't mean that you are perfectly right) but i think i'll just let everything flow as it is and insya'Allah one day if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

I am way way WAY past the whole drama thing, grudges and all that. I think i'm too old for high school shenanigans. It's best to stay far from the action and not even be at the sideline to keep yourself updated to what the hell is going on. Guess what, i think to highlight and prioritize our own life is way better than trying to fix someone else's. God knows how many people out there tried to fix me but in the end it showed that i will change when i want to change. So i guess i would just go with the flow.

I get very emotional and easily influenced by what i see and hear. I am not sure as to if it is a good thing or a bad thing. I have so much on my mind. Like literally. When i write all the things down, it didn't seem that much but i guess the capacity of my brain cannot withstand the amount of thoughts i have. Take note people, writing down what is on your mind and posting it on the wall, helps you remember and takes some of the load off your shoulder.

To those out there, who are working and studying at the same time, i salute you! I am still trying to do so. Trying to divide my time well. Sometimes when there is so much to be done, i loose track on some of the things that i was suppose to know about. Studying, working and taking care of your family, ain't an easy job. So people who thinks that mothers do nothing just because you see them lying around the house at times, think again. I think half of my energy got drained and i only have a fiancé to take care of. Ya Allah SWT please ease my future a little. I don't believe in parading your wishes and prayers to God in public because as i once said to my friend, God does not have Facebook or Twitter. Simpan ngan dikmpun sudehhhhh.

If this post was an essay, i swear, the person marking this will be like, "What the hell is this girl trying to say? Issues are all scattered everywhere!" LOL I know. I just have a lot on my mind that i wanna let out.

This coming 3rd of April, Ezu and i will be celebrating our 2 years Engagement Anniversary. Another 2 years to go and then it's sealed Insya'Allah. That song Ours by Taylor Swift is the song of my life now. I do not personally adore her but i like her songs. Meaningful as it is. Dear sweetheart and i bought each other a gift for the anniversary. :)

I wish everyone all the happiness in the world. Take care and good night.

xoxo
Mea

Transcendent

I have this thing you know, when a weird word comes in my head and i suddenly am intrigued of its meaning. So today, my word of the day would be Transcendent.

Past few weeks has been so hectic. I mean come on, how hectic can a students' life be right? But for some reason i felt as if i had none of ME time. Every waking minute was devoted for some other important things. Like studies, assignments, a butt load of Rugby and spending time with friends. It's been a while since i had a full ME time.

I am pretty excited about the Curtin International 7's Rugby Tournament that will be held on the 8th and 9th of October 2011. Proud of the CROCS for training hard and thankful to MDRU for helping out and training the ruggers. It so happens that on the day the tournament commences, the quarter finals of the RWC 2011 will be on. Gahhhhhhh.. Priorities! It's been challenging being the first woman President for the Curtin Rugby Club. Hopefully the club will live on and advance to the future! Weeee~~~~~

Moving on, i honestly think that everyone, once in a while, needs a psychiatric evaluation done on them. Don't know why, but it's just a thought. You know how some people are diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, what if some people has it and people around them got annoyed because they didn't know about it? Pity them right? Thus that actually concludes my point of view of understanding people around you.

I got to go! RWC 2011 starts at 1430 Malaysia time. Until whenever i have free time again.

Cheerios.
MKate

Ages much?

I know i have not much readers but still, whoever who still reads my blog, i deeply apologize for being AWOL for such a long time (i think). So i have been busy with school work and curricular activities that made my limitless time pact and unavailable for blogging, but mostly is because i am too lazy to blog.

Last night a few juniors came to my house and we talked about blogs. It has come to my attention that i have absolutely completely no idea why i start blogging in the first place. Probably it was peer pressure, friends i had back in those days are active bloggers and i just want to have one at that particular time i suppose. But now, today, i will rehash the purpose of me having a blog in the first place.

1. To update on my current affairs
2. Voice out my ideas on conventional ways of understanding issues
3. Admitting my rights and wrong towards whatever situations and incidents that occurs
4. Help anyone who asks for my help in learning English (not that i am sooooooooooo excellent at it, but i'll try to help as much) or Sarawak dialect!

And all these i will fulfill with highest attempt not to hurt anyone's feelings. If i ever do, please know that i am just like any other human being, prone to mistakes. Please do forgive me if i ever did.

Alright, now that my purpose have been comprehensible, i shall commence my duty as a blogger anytime soon. Please do hope that i have the time and mood to blog.

Cheerios
M.K

It's been a whole year

Like the title says, it's been a whole year since i last updated my blog. Maybe because i was so lazy to post up anything before, and mind you, i actually did thought of deleting this blog. It felt useless for me to have one that i don't update much. But i know i'll miss it badly. It's somehow my only memory of my past. I had a new laptop this year, that means i left one piece of my memory behind, i had a new phone and that makes two already. I lost my hard disk that Ezu got me two years back, and i left all the hardcore fun things in life behind to move forward.

I was never a fan of chemical substance, and everyone who knew me well, should know that when it comes to that part, i'm clean. Never have, never will, god's willing. I have finally changed for the better. Well, even Rome wasn't built in a day true? Baby steps mon chéri, baby steps. It's such a huge lie to say that i don't miss my past life, not that i died or anything, but yes, i do miss the old way of life i use to have. I miss the dressing ups, i miss the craziness, i miss the hangovers, i miss the place selections, i miss the booze, i miss the games, yes, i miss everything about it. If you ask me now, i never regret going through that phase in life, i never will. It has taught me so much. It made me into who i am today.

You know when people say sometimes the days you're gonna go thru imitates the ones you have seen on TV, well, what if it's the other way around? That would be cool don't you think? What if what's happening in your life now is not all candies and rainbows? That would suck. Sometimes i wish i was far far away where no one knows me and would never harm me. Sometimes i wish that you would've came sooner. Sometimes i wish that you were him instead. But i know one thing is for sure, most of the time, i'm thankful that i always have someone to rely on. Through thick and thin, joyrides and accidents, i know i can always count on you.

Have you ever wondered how is it to love someone unconditionally? Guess what, lemme tell you something, THAT'S BULLSHIT! There will always, always be something that you would want in return. I know what i want, i want you to understand me without me even saying a word. I want you to be able to look at me and know what i want, what i need. I just wanna be over and done with this year. I want to move forward, i want to be yours for real. Not just like this. I WANT TO BE YOURS! 8-)

Hopefully this is not my last post of the century (exaggerating a little there)..

Until next time,

MKate

You know i'm one of a kind, there'll never be another me

Can't get me out of your mind?

You're lost in your own fantasy!

And when you look in my eyes

Is it hard for you to realize?

She'll never be me!

I've been off the grid lately. Hardly update my blog at all. I know i know I've been neglecting it like hell. Poor bloggy. It's okay love, i'll update you on a daily basis soon enough. Semester is almost over. This semester is not as good as before. I prefer last semester more.

It's the 3 years anniversary last September. It was awesome. Not magical but I'm not complaining. I miss Ezuan a lot nowadays. Kinda wish for him to be next to me 24/7, 365.

Speaking of which, Ezu told me about one of his friend, he dislikes her a lot and i wish so much to meet her so i can tell her off to her face. Mess with my fiancée, i'll hunt you down to the ground woman and i swear you'll wish you were never born.

Oh well, that's it for now i guess.

Baby baby baby ooo...

I MISS YOU!

33rd

When you watch a movie or listen to a song, it has this impact where it can influence your emotions for the moment. Lets say watching Gossip Girl. It makes me want to try to relate what happens in my daily life to what happens on screen. Can't deny that there is a side of me who wants my life to be like what's portrayed on the silver screen. Then again, no drama in reality happens that way. Well, that's what i think.

I watched the last episode of Gossip Girl season 3 last night. Only last night. I know it was out a long time ago. Due to busy schedule, i can't find the time to download. In the last episode Dan Humphrey and Blair were talking about signs in life. How the Empire State Building was to be the symbol of Chuck and Blair's relationship.

I had my own fair share of sign in relationship experience today. Not exactly relationship but perhaps friendship? I was suppose to meet up with one of my closest friends, but then, as expected, my friend bailed on me. Not that i was putting high hopes to see this friend, but it would be nice if a promise is kept. I'm tired of trying to make things happen. Right now I'll just wait for it to happen. If it doesn't, then that means it's not meant to be.

I was feeling very crestfallen (a new word i learn today. it means sad and disappointed. =P ). I don't think i deserve to be treated in such way. I was asking myself why i let my ancient feelings resurface. And just at the moment that i asked myself, a very very very familiar song played on Mix.FM. Guess what? Never Had A Dream Come True by S Club 7. Seriously? Can my mind be more obvious on playing tricks with my feelings? Goodness gracious me! Watching LBS just now, also made me reminisce about my past. The one thing that made me snap back to reality was when...

My fiancee called and said "Happy Anniversary baby!!!". Oh My God! I FORGOT ABOUT IT! This is the first time i actually forgot our monthsary. Then, i flew back to reality and thought of how awesome my fiancee is and to what extend he would jump the miles for me. There you go, 4 months ago, i address Ezu as my boyfriend or the Boyfriend, but now, he's no longer my boyfriend. He's my fiancee, my one true love. No matter how bad life drops on me, i know for a fact i will always have him. He's my savior, my knight in shining armor, my prince charming. No matter how my past drags me back, I know my future triumphs it all.

So here's some pieces on my number ONE puzzle. =)

So Ezu sayang,

Happy 33rd Monthsary Love

I love you so much Abg and i can't wait to spend my lifetime loving you.

I'm you Mea, i'm your Mira, your Kate and Katerina. I'm everything you want me to be.

See you when i see you, Love.

xoxo,

MK

Rainy Holidays

Welcome again to my lovely readers, how ever much you may be, as you all know, when the holiday begins, that means I'm back. Miss me?

I know you totally do.

What did u miss, you ask?

Well a lot actually. Like for example, one, I'm engaged. Two, I am no longer a business student and currently enrolled under Bachelor of Arts, where i belong (Will tell you the details in time). Three, new people in town, new faces on the spotted list, new entourage. Four, old flames die hard and finally five, i am back here, right where I started.

So before, it seems like my life is so boring, like i have nothing to say, and just when i was getting comfortable, all the drama, scandals and everything i worked on not getting in to, have found its way to me, rising from the ashes. Shocker! I know, I'm lame. That may be it, but then again, sometimes i don't know who i am anymore. Care to tell me? Be my guest.

You know how people living in other parts of the world like the Northern or Southern hemisphere gets to say, summer holidays, spring break, winter holidays and the fall dance? From where i am, it's rainy holidays or freakin' hot breaks or haze holidays. And right now, it's option one of three.

Friends, family, foes, frienemies,

How's rainy holidays treating you?

I'd give up anything in this world to eliminate the last 2 out of four i mentioned above, but they just have to exist. I know i know, no one wants enemies. Apparently they're not trying hard enough to banish enemies and frienemies off their list. If people wanna be friends with you, it's an honor and it's an opportunity. If they chose the path less traveled, then who are you to deny them their freedom of rights, true?

I lost a friend this year. Not physically, God forbid, I would never want it that way. She was one that i valued in life and when i lost her, at first it was unbearable. How would you feel if you lost a friend who you took in when her world was falling apart, or a friend who you would trust your hearts out? A friend whom you learnt made mistakes and bad decisions but you still stuck with her? How exactly was i to forget to have such friend? It wasn't easy believe me, but hey, life moves on. I moved on. When people make big mistakes, stupid decisions, i was, most of the time, there for them and never chose sides, but when i was in their shoes, i don't get that same treatment i hoped for. Well guess what, you thought me this way. I can be the best friend in the world you can find, but i can also be the worst friend you could rely on. Just choose which you prefer.

Besides the whole "friends-walk-away-but-they-leave-footsteps-in-your-heart" episode of my OH-so-BORING life, i was stuck in a position where i was force to decide what kind of friend i should be. The best friend who only knows to look out for you in your best interest, or the supportive i'm always here for you if you need me, but if you don't i'm not there type of best friend. So which path have i chosen?

The truth is, i don't know. I try my very best to look out for my loved ones best interest, but it always, and trust me when i say this, ALWAYS backfires to me again. (Seriously, God, are you trying to punish me because i care too much about others? I need your answer 'cuz i'm desperately in need of a sign here.) I want to be the friend that you can have under all weather and conditions, but then again, i have my do's and don't's. I admit, i'm not exactly the center of attention in the social status right now, or ever, or not that i ever want to be, but i'm just done with the whole putting myself out there, testing the market and all. I'm done. Parties for me are like bitter medicine, i only eat it when i really really really have to, as if my life depends on it.

So, with regards to prior situation in discussion, some people just like it when i stay out of their businesses and laundries. I realize that when you're trying to offer help to people who don't think they need it, then you're just going to be making a fool out of yourself. I tried my best to protect the people i love, truth is, they don't want to be protected. I just don't want to go through the whole empire-crumbling-down-and-putting-the-pieces-back-together stage. I was trying to avoid it from happening. But i guess, rules of nature just have to be followed.

So there, I've told you bits and pieces of the number THREE, but not exactly everything yet. If you're so bored to your bones, not knowing what to do to fill in your free time, keep yourself updated. There's bound to be more coming from me. Those are not even remotely close to the things i wanna tell you about. Keep yourself posted aight?

xoxo,

MK

From the moment that i saw your face and felt the fire in your sweet embrace...

I know most people says that sparks fade in time. You're in love today, and tomorrow but not the day after. I feel like a little kid when it comes to feeling all giddy and up in the air. I think it's because God looked down to me and reminded me of the purpose of living, and how to live a peaceful life. Honestly, i've got everything i ever wanted. Everything. There's not even 1 wants or needs in my life that is not fulfilled. And i learned something that made my life a better place, forgiveness. Forgive and forget. And yes, i choose to forgive and forget everything in the past. The good memories i treasure, the bad ones, i learn from them. The most important thing is i forgive everyone who has ever wronged me in the past and move forward. Don't get me wrong, please. I'm not specifying and pointing fingers. I'm not saying out names. I'm not doing all that. It's not what you think. Seriously, i am just stating this as how i feel. I don't hate any of you. Hatred can only bring you this far. Forgiveness has no boundaries. Sky is the limit. I just wanna live in peace and serenity. This is the year i choose to start over. Open up a new chapter in my book of life.

Raula, Hillie, Nadea, Jay, Anum, Dya, Efa, Abby and Fiz..

The 9 of you mean so much to me. You have been there, touched my life, and influences it in so many levels. Thru thick and thin. Raula and Efa, you were there for me when i had to go through with my father's wedding. Hillie, Nadea, Abby, Fiz and Jay, need i say more about the 5 of you? We went through everything, ups and dows, lefts and rights($%^%##????), and still, here we are. It's bullshit to say that friends don't argue, they do, but they always have a way back to each other. Anum and Dya, you were there for me since Kolej. If i didn't say this enough, Thank you, i appreciate everything.

I always felt like happiness and happy endings are meant for fairy tales only. That it doesn't exist in real life. But i have learned that it is not something you wait to fall in place, it's something that you have to work for to earn it. If you have worked hard enough and practise all the good values that you were taught of, if you deserve it, that God will reward you with a fairytale ending.

I am in love, very in love. In love with everything. My friends, my life, my parents, my family, My one and only God, and to Him i shall thank for giving me the opportunity to know Idzuan Ismail.

the One and Only,
xoxo

And one day my little girl, will reach out her hand, She'll know i found The Right Man!

Current song : The Right Man by Christina Aguilera
(Something i got from Hillie's blog, and maybe i should start using this also, if you don't mind love.)

And i am now at the office. Boring. Missing the Boyfriend so much (i think now i need to start to find a new nickname for him, considering he might not be my boyfriend for long, and soon i'll be engaged. the Fiancee will sound too tacky. I need a dictionary!). I'm feeling happy, joyful, blessed and content. Very calm and peaceful. It's a good feeling to feel for new years. First post of the year yo! Now i should think of a new ending for my blog posts as well. Cherrio, xoxo is soooooo last year. I'm glad that one of my favourite song influenced my friends. The Right Man by Christina Aguilera is a very nice song. Hillie likes it now. =D

I'm taking up her request on posting up my Top 10 Sexiest Man On Earth list. =P

No. 10 : Kellan Lutz

No. 9 : Josh Duhamel

No. 8 : Paul Walker

No. 7 : Ryan Reynolds

No. 6 : Taylor Lautner

No. 5 : Ben Barnes

No. 4 : Chace Crawford

No. 3 : Justin Timberlake

No. 2 : Chris Evans

No. 1

And there you go, My list of my very own top 10 Sexiest Man On Earth. Some people will be like "urgh, duh` of course..." when seeing this i bet. *giggles* May the rest of the year be an awesome one! Good luck people!!!

the One and Only,
xoxo

I want your love and all your lovers revenge!

I have much to update. A lot has been going on within these 2 weeks. Family matters, personal internal conflicts, everything. I've read all 3 editions of twilight saga e-book including the unpublished midnight sun,

Lets start off with family matters.

I've become closer with my cousins on my stepmom's side, like usual with the cousins on my late mom's side and drifted apart from my cousins on my dad's side. except for a few whom i treat like siblings. It's more comfortable being close with people who doesn't judge and accept you as you are, rather than people who tries so hard to change you. Note to daddy's family : I am what i am, if i am stupid in your eyes, then maybe i am not good enough for you. You think all of you are sooooooooooooo educated and religious, guess what, one of you cheated on your wife, and one of you dated ME when i was 15. Religious much? You think you're so superior? HAHA i'm laughing my ass off! Whatever man, one of you told your parents you dont go clubbing at all, guess what, i know you did. Be an angel in front of mummy, i don't give a damn. I'm just here to state that you no better than i am. I made mistakes yes, but you did more than i did. And you are judging me? Instead of befriending me and try to advice me, you became my enemy, WOW! ROFL! Whatever, thinking about this makes me angrier by the minute. My parents are back and our bond are getting better each day. I'm in better terms with my stepmum, I'm in excellent terms with my dad. So yea, Everything going on just okay.

Last week the Boyfriend was here with his family to meet mine. Everything went well and smooth. They came over to discuss our engagement. If all goes well, i might be the Boyfriend's fiancee in just a few months time. Wow, someone's fiancee, who knew this would come true. He's all i ever wanted, he's perfect. In every single way possible. He makes me laugh, makes me cry, he's the only person in the world who can make my heart beats faster and slower at the same time. He understands me beyond parallel universe. He's a very loving man, very careful, very kind and gentle, he's a man of every girl's dream. I can't think of anything negative of him. To sum it all up, he's HOT! Hehehehe.. I thank god for giving him to me. I'm sorry that i had to loose my friends to be with him, but guess what, those friends turn their backs on me, and he's still with me, so i think it is worth losing those friends to be with him. Not that i wanted it to be that way, sometimes i just wished that those people would just be happy for me and we can be friends again, i guess not.

As for personal internal conflict...

My new years resolution, I have a few in mind and i want it to be achievable. I might change myself a bit. Here and there. But i will still be me non the less. So yea, i think it's best for me to keep it to myself. =)

Love me or hate me,
xoxo

When things go way down deep!

Hi. I've been off radar lately. Haven't been updating my blog like i would want to due to time constrain. I know it's hols, but i'm busy working. Yeap, you got that right. I'm working at SEDC for the time being. Until 26th February and on the 27th I'll fly to Miri straight. So, what's new? Nothing much. The 2 best friends celebrated my birthday with me. They bought me this awesome necklace with a "B" pendant with crown details on it. It's an insight joke for us, but yea, i still love it. It's like a lucky charm for me now. I have the awesomest friends in the world! Speaking of which, they went out behind my back just to get me the present. awwwwwwww.. You guys rock and i love you! My 2 favourite girls, Raula and Nadea. It hasn't been the best 2 weeks of my life. I'm so not use to not having my dad around.

DADDY!!! COME HOME NOW! I MISS YOU TOO MUCH!!!

So, referring to the title above (damn i sound so formal), I'm the type of person who would get all obsessed with something if i find it uberly interesting. But it's not everyday i feel that way. It so happens that my current obsession is.. (i know, i know, everyone will go, "hm.. isn't that a surprise") Twilight. I recently finished the whole Saga, including the unpublished Midnight Sun. I find it interesting and the movie is okay, not bad. Missing a few details here and there, plus changes made here n there, but still, it's a great movie non the less, although it would be perfectly awesome if it was played by the book!

I've been active on twitter lately. Been following E!online. And this morning, something pissed me off real bad! (No, not the Tiger Woods drama, i mean seriously, come on! Like, WHO CARES!) This article caught my attention! It was somehow making sense. If box office blockbusters don't make the cut on Golden Globe or the Oscars, then what's the whole point of breaking the record on highest earnings on the opening day for a movie? Seriously? Doesn't that count in determining the nominations? Well, at least a few other awards if the best actor and best actress isn't in order for. But then again, come to think of it, it's not the movie of the century, it's just a phenomenon. Something that people went crackers for. Still, it didn't deserved to be criticized so bad. Tell me you went to watch it and not felt all loopy. Seriously? Somehow, somewhere there is a part that you like, a part you went bonkers about. True? And still people think it's not worth watching. Oh well, movies are subjective, it depends on people's interests.

And here i am in a dilemma. Should i or should i not? I don't know.

Love me or hate me,
xoxo

2 years, 2 months and counting...

Thanks baby.. For the flowers and for the cake, and also for the surprise advanced birthday bash on our monthsary! It makes me miss you more each day. I know my posts are gonna be emotional but hey, it's my blog! I still remember the old Ezuan i knew wayyyyy back in 2006. He wasn't as bubbly as now. He was the type to control his feelings and act all macho in front of people. Its a result of his heartbreak, but hey, everyone has to go through that stage in life. And then there was the Me-Dira-Danny-Ezuan era. We we best friends. Always the 4 of us together and that's where me and Ezuan got damn close. Now? It's been 2 years and 2 months since we first decided to be together. There are speed bumps along the way but we made it through. We lost friends too and gained new ones. It's life. Everything happens for a reason. Qada' and Qadar. Everything is already written. I may not be in a position to be all religious and stuff, but i am trying. I'm trying to leave everything behind. I had my fucked up shares of a teenage life and i think it's about time to let it go. It's about time for me to deal with things like an adult. It's about time that i get back on the right path, prepare myself to be a perfect wife with God's blessings.

Yea, you read it right. If it all goes well, I'd be married in 5 years time. Fingers crossed? Thanks! Insya'allah it will happen as planned. I am sure that i am in love, in love with the right person, in love with Mr. Right.

Anyways, It's been a good start to be back in Kuching. Surprisingly i'm awake at 5am everyday since 2 days back. I hope it continues on. I hope i start work Next week. Now that i'm back i miss my friends. I miss those people who drops an impact to my life.

For instance, I miss Jay! I miss her so much. Normally i'd go out with her, lunch? dinner? supper? All of it. I miss shopping with her and watching movies! And where there's Jay, usually there's Ellyss too! I miss that lil kid!

I miss Sedut!!!!!! I miss Tompoq!!!!!! I miss Hillie!!!!! I miss my housemates Fyza and Abby! I miss everyone! But it's okay. When the time comes, we'll be back together with new adventures to explore!

Cherrio, XOXO

Goodbye my friend, I know you're gone, you said you're gone but i can still feel you're here.

Dearest Matt,

I'm angry at you for leaving days before our exam. You promised that we would study together. And you bailed on me. For a nice guy like you, that's not a nice thing to do. I'm so mad at you for not taking good care of yourself. And for doing our assignments at the very last minute...

But i know you didn't want to leave just yet, but then He wants you to be with him, and it's already your time to go. I wished we would've studied earlier so that i could have the opportunity to hang out with you before you leave. I wished i wasn't back home in KCH that night. I wish i was here. I didnt even get to see you off. I miss you so dearly already. I miss the times i make fun of you when you came into my apartment. I miss the times i pretend i was angry at you just so you would argue with me. I miss the times when you suddenly pop up out of nowhere just to say hi to me. I miss the times we played monopoly and make Fyza angry. I miss the times we go partying together. I miss the times when you would just sit down and talk to me about anything. I miss the times when you give me advice which sometimes makes no sense.

I wish you were still here in front of me so that i can tell you how much we're all gonna miss you and how truly we love and appreciate you. I know for sure you're looking down on us and taking care of us from above. We really miss you Matt.

There will come a day
When you will be able, able to say
Never mind the pain, all the aggravation
You know there's a better way
For you and me to be

Look for the rainbow in every storm
Fly like an angel heaven sent to me

Goodbye my friend
I know you're gone, you said you're gone but I can still feel you here
It's not the end
You gotta keep it strong before the pain turns into fear
So glad we made it, time will never change it...

The times when we would play about
The way we used to scream and shout
We never dreamed you'd go your own sweet way..

You will surely be missed by all. May you rest in peace and whatever journey he has in-stored for you after this life, may it always be pleasant and our prayers are always with you.

In loving memory of Mathew Jose Katikkaran

Berlalulah sudah Ramadhan sebulan berpuasa. Tiba Syawal kita rayakan dengan rasa gembira...

It's Raya today, and also my 2 years anniversary! but why aren't i happy?

You, you were there for me but then you walked away.

I don't know what i did wrong to make you drift away from me.

I don't mind she being close with you but why her? Why my best friend?

Thanks for making me feel this way.

Sayang, i'm sorry to ever break your heart..

I love you so much and we'll be together always soon!

Cherrio, xoxo

A conversation between 2 sisters!

Aida : btw..gerek ktk study di KK?

Ameara : lain rasa bah
nope
curtin miri also

Aida : aok.. nang lain rasa

Ameara : but diam KK
nervous kmk aie..
sunday tok jumpa parents nya!!!

Aida : org KK?

Ameara : kak eda, tips lok :P

Aida : LOL
boh nebes

Ameara : aok org KK

Aida : be yourself but kesantunan plu dijaga

Ameara : hehehehehehe

Aida : hehe ambik ati parents sidak

Ameara : okay!
gik gik?

Aida : I think u r good enuff to see them
confidence jak :)
memang nervous akan ada..
dun wori ur gerek ada di sia bah

Ameara : the parents dah di breif about my background
but still kmk takut la

Aida : lol takut ya kan hilang haha but ktk excited juak nak

I am very very excited! But at the same time, I'm scared! The sister and Ola told me the same thing : to just be myself. Hope everything works out. Fingers crossed!!!

Cherrio, XOXO

Its nice to smile when I get your phone call at night! But I'd rather have you here with me, right next to me, I miss the way you hold me tight!

It hasn't even been a week that I'm back home and i've already missed Baby Love so much. I've been emo-ing for the past few days and i'm finally okay yesterday when i had my day out with the wifey. hehehehe.. Anyway, back to the first story.

We've been thru this for like 4 sems already and why is it still so hard? It's so hard to be apart form the boyfriend even for only 3 weeks? That's not even a month. Baby i love you so much! And i can't tell you how much i've been missing you. Everything is not the same without you!

I miss having my girls at home too. Fyz, Abby and Van, also Jamie. Esther was never out tho. So yea! I miss cooking at home. I miss playing game with the boyfriend and Jega. And other than that I miss my peeps!

And about the day out with Raula, there's a story about it. After i upload the pictures, i'll tell you! heheheheheeh..

Ever since the day you went away and left me lonely and cold
My life just hasn't been the same ohh baby, nooo
When I looked into your eyes the moment that I let you go
I just broke down

Baby if I ever get the chance to be with you again I would sacrifice
Cuz the feeling that I feel within
No other man would ever make me feel so right
Its nice to smile when I get your phone call at night
But I'd rather have you here with me, right next to me
I miss the way you hold me tight

I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch
I never thought that I could ever love a man so much
I gotta let you know I think that we are destiny
For you I'd cross the world, for you I'd do anything

Thats right baby I'm going crazy
I need to be your lady
I've been thinking lately
That you and me, yes we can make it
Just ride with me, roll with me I'm in love with you baby

Break it down now I'll tell you what I feel
From the moment that I met you its been so damn real
My heart seems to skip another beat
Every time we speak, I can't believe I feel so weak
Tell me that you really need me and you want me and you miss me
And you love me I'm your lady
I'll be around waiting for you I'll put it down be the woman for you

I'm falling so deep for you crazy over for you
I`m calling, calling out to you what am I going to do?
It's true, no fronting
Its you and no other i can no longer go on without you
I'll just break down

I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch
I never thought that I could ever love a man so much
I gotta let you know I think that we are destiny
For you I'd cross the world, for you I'd do anything

Thats right baby I'm going crazy
I need to be your lady
I've been thinking lately
That you and me, yes we can make it
Just ride with me, roll with me I'm in love with you baby

Ohhh, ohhh....
Crazy... lady..... lately....
Ohhh ohhh.....
Ohh ohhh ohhhhhh
Baby...

Cherrio, XOXO

Don't be the monkey who eats the chilli!

Wonder how it is that people get so emotional. Past is past that you can't change. And guess what, It's Malaysia. I hate people talking about me, but i can't do shit. Even if i tell them off, they won't stop talking about me. That's reality. It's uncontrollable. The more i shout at them, the more they will talk. So might as well, i just shut up and don't care. There are consequences on whatever i do. So i have to bare with it. Friends will tell me what i wanna hear regardless of how it will make others feel. They will comfort me. Make me feel better so i can go on. So if that is wrong, might as well we don't have friends. True? Oh well.. Some people are just too arrogant to admit that they're wrong. And i don't need people like that in my life. Baby you better think about it.

The second star to the right...

I just woke up and it's 10++pm. MY GOODNESS! Now i know why we were not suppose to sleep during Maghrib! I was having a nightmare so bad man! Seriously. It was so bad that i do not want to remember it. So hard to forget. Then i felt better after reading a note Abby left me on facebook. You made my evening. Thanks Bee! Loves.

I miss home. Miss You Loooot!! You know i do. Hehehe..

Cherrio, XOXO

Heartbreaker you've got the best of me!

Felt really happy during the weekend but very sad once i got back. Interesting? Nadea said my posts are very emo lately. Dunno, don't ask. Hehehe.. Cuz i seriously have no idea why. Maybe it's just too much sometimes. Once i got back in Miri i felt left out like crazy. Most people i love suddenly just face their back to me. Ask why? DON'T ASK! I have no idea. I'm not angry or anything but i seriously feel down and very very disappointed. Calling off on me on the very last minute? Excluding me from everything that's happening? What happen to family? More like just friends! I seriously feel down. Unappreciated much? Yeap, very. All this while when i was there i was still thinking of them, but they leave me out. WHY!!!!!????? Call me attention seeker, call me a liar, whatever you want. My true friends know who i am. Oh well, I'm just very down. Very sad. Thanks guys. Thanks a lot. =(

p/s : maybe this is just a feeling of the moment, but yea, i'm still sad.