ANNOUNCEMENTS

I know i've been away from my blog for a VERY VERY long time. And so i shall be again. I'm sorry but i am very busy right now and i don't have time for blogging. Until next time when i am free. =)

the One and Only,
Mea
xoxo

my heart seems to skip another beat every time we speak, I can't believe I feel so weak

It's weird how 6 years of emotion got trapped in one side of my conscious for so long. I dont know either it was love or hatred or confusion or anything love related but somehow it was settled in my dreams. Funny don't you think?

To whomever it may concern,

What i had for you was the past. And i've never been so sure about it ever in my life. I don't know either this is just the crazy me talking but i somehow talked to you in my sleep. Although one thing is for sure, I don't ever wanna loose you again. I just want you in my life, doesn't mean you have to be the special someone, i just want you as a friend in my life. Someone i can talk to about anything. For the past 6 years, I've been missing you. Like how i miss Tompoq when he's not around. Like how i miss Sedut when he went missing. Like how i miss Andy when he went away for every 6 months. I will always care about you and you are important in my life. That's about it.

Yours Truly,
Mea

XOXO

I know you're gone, you said you're gone but i can still feel you're here.

Condolences to the CM's family for their loss. May Datuk Amar Puan Sri Hajah Laila Taib's soul rests in peace. Datuk Amar laila, 68, battled cancer for the past three months and celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary three months back at the new Four Points Hotel. She is known as Sarawak's first lady and a very lovely and generous person. You will always be in our prayers.

Look for the rainbow in every star
Find out for certain, love is gonna be there for you
You'll always be someone's baby..

xoxo

Wishing upon the shooting star..

WISH ME LUCK ON MY PRESENTATION TODAY!!! NEED IT SO MUCH.

THANKS LOVE!

CHERRIO, XOXO

p/s : ...

Before the previous posts becomes another one like what happen to a friend of mine, Hillie, i just wanna say the only people mention here is Raula, my cats and my cousins. I'm not finger pointing anyone. Don't take it the wrong way.

Girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.. be very careful nowadays.

*winks*

It's not the first time and you know it don't you now?

I hope this will be over soon. I want it to be over. It's such a hustle and something that could have been prevented. But people make mistakes. Sometimes those mistake led to huge consequences. I don't care if people choose to not believe, but one honest voice is bigger than a crowd. I swore in front of the Qu'ran already. And i swore than if i lied, i would be dead by today. That's my promise to god. So now only God knows who is telling the truth. If a true religious person, no matter what religion they are, their Qu'ran or Bible would be the last barrier. If you ask a person who's lying, to swear on their religion, beliefs and God, they would think twice before they do. Some people just take their Gods as a puppet, and religion just by name. I know i am not as religious as other people, but i know my limit. I know Allah S.W.T. is there watching always.

Dear friends,

I do not wish for you to believe me if it makes you feel bad after, and makes you feel like you have to choose sides. I don't want you to. So you can believe whatever you want for all i know is that i am telling the truth. I am not trying to win anyone or campaigning for supporters, because i know i do not need to. My true friends will know when i would lie (with reasons) and when or what about that i would not. Plus, what a friend of mine said was true, "Ezuan knows you inside out to know that you are not lying and i don't see any reason why you would create this story". Thank you dear. Advice to girls out there, guy friends, they are nice to you when you're happy, but when they do shit to you, all you are to them are crampled up paper that they can just throw away. I can't believe i stood up for you! Some kind of friend you are.

Yours truly.

I think i have enough to say about this. Now i just want to close this case, this chapter of my life and move on!

Cherrio, XOXO

Tell me how am i suppose to live without you...

I feel hopeless when i am unable to be helpful. It's killing me. I doubt that my friends know how much i love them and at times protect them. I know i'm just human like other people, unable to convince everyone to believe on just one thing. I tried so hard at times that it backfires. In the end i got the bullshits. All i can do is hold on to the people i love as long as they are willing to be with me but once they don't, they slip away. I know it's as if i'm a superhuman wannabe.. but i just do not want my friends to get hurt. My family can manage on their own because i know they can.

On the same note, i don't think my friends realize that most of what i do for them is for their own good. But yea, i'm just a 20-year-old who's voice isn't listened by many. Words that comes from me, they usually ignore. I feel so down and depressed. I always get this shit! I hate it! I wish i could be heartless and just show people a cold face and not care. BUT i can't. That's just not me. Sometimes i think i care too much about other people that they just see me as a newspaper at the side of the road. Read once and then recycled. So pathetic. Maybe that's the problem. I care too much about my friends that they take it for granted. Maybe i should just not care and let them be. Let them do wrongs on their own and when it crashes them, just look and do nothing. I wish i could do that. I hate being angry at my friends, i hate knowing they are angry at me, i hate not speaking to my friends, i hate ignoring my friends. I hate knowing my friends are jumping into a deep waterfall and soon to be drowned, but unable to prevent it. I HATE WHAT I FEEL NOW! I hate knowing that a sweet little pink bird is suffering and unable to fly. I HATE IT! Such a sweet little bird. Why on earth would people see the bird and not help it? Don't you think it's stupid? Don't you? I am somehow very angry but i just have to suck it up.

I love it when my friends know their limits, knows their boundries. I love it when i feel appreciated by them. I love it when they know i am around and think about me, about how i feel. I love it when i cry, i will always have a shoulder to cry on. I love it when i need them, they are there to comfort me. I love it when i am helpless, they come to the rescue. I love it when i am their little sister. I love it when i think of them, i cry in joy. I love it when they are always there. I love it when they include me in everything they do. I love it when they think of me as their friend they will always have. I love it when they know they're wrong, they will apologize. I love it when they know to do the right thing. I love to know that i will never loose them.

If only little pink birds can read, i want you to know that i feel your pain and i know why you can't fly. I don't feel sorry for you but i want you to heal yourself and start to fly again because i know you have the strength to. I want you to know that although i am not on the same tree with you, i am always here for you. I want you to know that i would do anything to see you fly again. I want you to know that i am on your side. I want you to know that the wound you have is not worth the pain. I want you to know that i would do anything to stop the big bird from flying away to another tree. I care for you.

To whomever it matters, you should know that i love you much more tham words can say but please, don't let me think otherwise.

Ola, thanks for always being there.

Cherrio, XOXO

Oh i never meant to brag, but I GOT HIM where i want him now... Harry Winston my love

Honestly what was she thinking about the whole situation and incident?

Don't you have a brain of your own to think about it?

These are the questions i've been thinking about for the past few days. I know i might be overreacting or something for it was not i whom is involved, but in a way i am too. Honestly, how shallow can you be? The same mistake twice? I mean, COME ON! Learn from it. I am not addressing this to anyone, but i'm just releasing what i feel and what i felt. I seriously do not have time for drama and i don't want to be caught up in one, but i always tend to be in the big picture. All i want now is that things to be like normal and PLEASE stop this drama. I know people are trying to be nice and i really want to help, but if you're not helping yourself, then who will? TRUE? Having been through this situation makes me feel obligated to ensure others wouldn't do the same thing.

It's like being in a jewelery shop where you found the perfect Harry Winston.


You don't just buy it straight without asking about the details, "how much it is?", "will it fit your finger?"... And if the ring was already on hold buy other customer, you don't just simply buy it from the shop, unlikely that they will allow you to do that. Plus you don't just buy everything you like, you will need to choose one item that stands out from the rest and fits you best. If you go on buying it straight without any judgment, you won't have enough fund to fulfill your wants.

I know it sounds ridiculous that i'm explaining all this without a motive, but still, whoever that matters, would understand perfectly. For anyone who doesn't, don't even waste your time trying to understand 'cause i can assure you that you'll be lost.

My dear sweetheart, trust me whatever that's yours can never be taken away by window shoppers even when they try it on, it will forever be yours. Here's a message for you, my darling.


And oh, Happy birthday Hillie darling. You know i love u always. And you don't have to tell me how much you do, for i know it's unmeasurable. Love love..

Cherrio, XOXO

Happy Birthday to you, You were born in the zoo..

It's the twentieth birthday of Mr Jega's son and he is out drinking with Daniel. I called to wish him just now and i told him his birthday present will come as soon as he arrives in Miri. He's one of the guys i like hanging around with and will always make me laugh when i'm down. Him and Hoe, 2 weird but perfect combination. So this post will be a tribute to Dogg.. pictures of him from the first time i knew Dinesh Jegarajan.

#1 Dinesh Jega


#2 In thai bar - Feeds, DJ, Van and IDKwho.


#3 I stumbled over this picture. OMG! When the EFF was this?


#4 Feeds and Jegs at Park City "MIJF 2008"


#5 Midnight at starbucks madness


#6 Midnight at starbucks madness 2


#7 Midnight at starbucks madness 3


#8 Farewell last year st SoHo


#9 Dinesh with his Ex-Housemates


#10 Dinesh in his old room

I still have a lot more but i'm just lazy to upload all of them. I've known Dinesh since the second semester i was here. (2007) and he'll be around in more years to come i hope. Anyway, Happy Birthday dude.

Cherrio, XOXO

it's the way you make me feel...

today, well, tonight, i decided to fuck the capital letters at the beginning of every sentence. turn lazy tonight. so yeah. anyway, it's funny how i'm still caught up with my emo-state since last night. PMS? maybe but i don't think so. everyone i have loved came into my life just to leave. some left for good, some are just around but we grew apart. something that Abigail told me the second semester i was here in curtin was that friends come and go. literally. tonight, this post is about my friends, whom are now long gone or far far away, i do miss you. you know who you are.

i don't understand how i get like this suddenly. writing this in the center of noises but i can still manage to concentrate pouring out my thoughts.

i miss i miss i miss i miss i miss i miss i miss i miss i miss i miss i miss... a lot of people. i miss having my friends around, not that i have any. a few that i think i lost. i don't regret the past. i don't regret knowing them. just that it sucks they had to go. but oh well.

--

something off topic i know, but i really wanna dance right now. wish i can clear this dining table and and hang on a disco ball, off the lights and just on the red light we have at home and start dancing. i know van and abby will join me. my baby love will be next in line with danny n dinesh to shuffle on the floor. and when azfar gets back. the party starts. hahahahaha...

iTunes : Speedwave Zhangar

--

i admit my high school time was fucked up like hell. i always felt like an outcast. never had real friends. i don't know why at one point. until i got close with a few people. Adira Kamil, my best friend, my sister... i love her till death do us part. i'd do anything for her. i'd sacrifice anything for her. that's what sisters are for. i thought it was enough that i'm always there for her, but now i know better, it's never enough. Nadya Natasha, babe i love you so much and i know you know that. seriously. *grins* you know, i know. enough till there. true? not like you'll be reading it but just in case. she was at one point my twin in school. where there's Dya, there's me and vice versa. Dzimmo was once a very very very close friend of mine. he was my bestfriend. i can tell him anything and everything. he helped me through my pain with family and a lot more. i do miss him. really. but what can i do. like what i mention friends come and go. Zaharah Hanum, she's the bestfriend i had after high school was over. funny isn't it? we were friends for so long and suddenly after school, we got together for a few movies and suddenly we're inseparable. We always have time for each other. and somehow after years of not knowing whether i was remembered or forgotten, Niesa Z. came back to my life. we had a really big fight - and then we just grew apart. a lot. she basically hates me right now i think. but i do admit, i miss her a lot. there's nothing i can do about it. i can't have anyone in my life who does not want to be in it. true?

and after, i thought friends can be replaced, but no. i've learnt that you can only make more friends. and not replace them. no matter how bad you want to. there's where fidah, abby, van and hillie came in the picture. i'm forever grateful that i know these four bitches. girls, i am forever grateful. i hope you don't have to go and always be there. it's like i wanna freeze time and not let anything change.

for other friends that i do not mention, it's not that i don't appreciate you, it's just that you're descriptions are saved for my blog posts to come. =)



angelic van - courtesy of mea's phone



Jazz Fest



woman! stop taking pictures of yourself



nice shades feeds *hints hints*



pretty princess



neighbour

some pictures i will upload another time. currently using baby love's laptop. so i had to make do with what i have. till next time.

xoxo

~It's larger than life + Tribute to my dearies~

Right after watching P.S I Love You i felt like blogging. PVFFFFFFF... Random much? And yeah, Azfar decided to peep on my laptop when i'm typing. Even shout at my ear. WTH??? Hahahahaha... Well, that is the big guy. Can't live with him, can't live without him either. It's been a month since i blogged. Well, for the past month, it was exam time and most of the nights was Boy Bands karaoke nights. SWEEETTT!!!~ Well, most of the times it was me and Fiddy singing and Gala making his over expression face and hand motions following the lyrics of the song. Things are certainly not going to be like this again next semester. Azfar and Hoe leaving for Perth. I'll be back where i started. Baby love moving back to hostel. I'm left with Fiddy, Abby, Van, Gala and Dinesh. Danny also said he's going off to Australia. Probably for sure this time. It's like writing a tribute or something.


-TO ABBY-
Please let the others know about this. They might not know about what i'm writing here for their marvelously ignorance to blogs. Especially who i'm writing it to. And don't worry. There will be something for you as well.

This semester is about to end, and i'm really sad about it. I don't want all this to fade away just like that. I don't want it to just disappear like it's invaluable. To me, it's the most priceless time i've ever had in my life. Somehow i feel like crying when i'm writing it. But i can't. Azfar, Gala, Fidah, Hoemak and Abby is here. It's just wrong. I'll continue from Coffee Bean



-------------------------



So now here i am, continuing my blog writing at Coffee Bean. With my Baby love staring at the screen of my laptop while eating lagsana. pvffffff... Eat first then look elsewhere can? Starting to use the Dinglish right now. It's so not cool. I had a few bites on the blueberry crumble but it's not as delicious. Apple or banana crumble would be better. Wonder if they can sell something similar to my Aunty Nani's Cheese Peach Pie. Love it. My dearies of 3570 loves them too. Especially Van, always waiting anxiously for it every time i return from a trip to Kuching. I'm kinda lost about what i wanted to write, what i'm suppose to write and what i want to write now. We'll start with what i wanted to write.





~What i WANTED to write~



House 3570 has been the best thing that's ever happened to me and i would like to express it all out now before it's too late. I've made friends there, lost friends too and either get involved or witness fights amongst friends and foes. We're the multi-racial clan that gets along very well and i quote Fidfy, *You rarely see that happening nowadays. NO! SERIOUSLY!* Well it's true you know. Most people only hang out with either people of their same race or from the same place.

Dinesh ---> (who most people in the house call Jega, Dog, Jegs or Danish) is from JB/KK (who's racially a Sri Lankan, not Indian, but culturally a chinese),

My baby love ---> from KK as well (Abby refers to him as the Pirate boy -due to his Suluk racial background),

Hoe ---> a chinese boy from KL (Mr Megat Johan Iskandar Shah - figure it out for yourself)

Abg Azfar ---> my Kolej senior whom i first feared for a couple of years for his brutal-ness during the Kolej era and i befriended when i'm in Curtin (don't quite know how to describe his race though)

Van ---> my Filipino friend, whom i knew from Azfar. (Like b'duh! They're together, well sort of, or maybe or maybe not. I DON'T KNOW)


And then there's...


Fidah ---> a bruneian, Iqbal's cousin, and now a very close friend of mine.

Gala ---> (Some ethnic race that i kinda forget but it starts with a K, i think) Fidah's boyfriend, Azfar's best friend.

Abby Chu Chang Yee ---> the cute little chinese girl i knew from the house as well, and now Hoe's girlfriend.

Fariq ---> the malay guy from Ipoh! Mr Rugby President.

Joe Xavier ---> another chinese best friend of Azfar's who's graduating this sem.

Bel ---> Joe's girlfriend who is also chinese.


and some more people in the house that i don't know how to describe. Alvin, Daniel, Vimel, Shannon, Danny and maybe some other people that i forget to mention.


Well, it really bumps me out that some of my friend are leaving soon, transferring to Perth or graduating. It sucks that i've gotten so close and attached and now i have to let them go. Trust me when i say, i did not plan all this. I did not plan to get this close to them. Nor did i want to but it just happened. We were meant to be friends. I know i'm sad that my friends are leaving, imagine being their other half. I would kill me to let them go. But life goes on. (HAH* poetic much?) I'm being terribly emotional for some reason. I had this talk with Fidah the other day.. makes me very sad.


-TO HOE-

I HATE HOE FOR BEING CLOSE TO ME JUST WHEN HE WANTED TO LEAVE!!! Not his fault or maybe partially his fault. I was always scared of him before. He's like this bitter chinese guy who always gets mad at everyone. Well, like people on PMS u know. It's like sometimes random when he gets mad. Freaks me out. I was normally scared to ask him for favors BUT somehow, he turn out to be the best-weirdly-annoying friend i've ever had. I always thought that Dinesh would be that friend. Now i'm so gonna miss him when he fly off to Perth. Poor Abby, but we'll be there for you girl!!! I hope Hoe won't forget me after he finish his studies. All the nicknames he gave me. Sometimes i hate it when he calls me all that, but i've lived to absorb it and ignore. HAHA... Oh well, Mr. HoeMak, i'll miss you.


-TO FARIQ-

Along with him, i've been hanging out with Fariq for quite sometime. Not as close but he's a friend of mine. He's little crazy when he got wasted. NO! SERIOUSLY! Camry car? Ring a bell? The incident about the fling thing? The most cruel way to break off (not break up when you were never in a relationship) with a girl. A lot more things about him. He's graduating this sem and he promised to come and visit later on. Hope you do. And don't forget me. *sob sob*


-TO ABG AZFAR and VAN-

I was never really close to Azfar from the beginning but somehow him leaving makes me sad too. Deceived by appearance (which some people say he's a gangster and all, probably he is, in a good way) he is actually a very nice person and trustworthy. Honestly, i'm scared to talk to im half the time. Crazy shit? He always ignores me and act like i don't exist in the house. Well, not all the time. But sometimes. He came up with his ridiculous "math formula ; 1 over mea = ???" WTF??? hahahahaha... In case i don't dare to say it to you later Bg Aspa, will miss you when you're leaving. *hugs*
I know Van's gonna miss you badly. Heh... Van's like the big sister in the house and she acts more kiddy like sometimes. She's a fun person to hang out with and well, She's Van. =D


-TO ABBY AND FIDDY-

Abby and Fiddy, Thanks a lot for being with me through thick and thin. I love you 2 so much. You're (referring to both) like the person i turn to when i get all down and share problems with. We don't normally agree on everything, but still, You two are the best. You're the closest i have to Dira. Even though i miss her so much and she never care about me nowadays, which i don't know why, you both filled up that space in my life. Seriously, i don't know what i would do without you both with me. I know whatever happens in next semester, i'll always have Abby and Fidah. My 2 girls. Fiddy girl, we have the same background and all, well, basically, well, u understand what i'm trying to say, i know how you feel, and i know, you know how i feel. (COMPLICATED MUCH???) Accyee, Girl, I love you guys!


-TO DANNY-

And i know this might be as random, but i'm glad to know Danny in my life. He might be pretentious, sometimes ignorance, but still, he's my friend and somehow my brother. (although after the break up with my sister thing) We may have issues, but we always work things out. I think. Well, whatever anyone thinks, or even you yourself think (referring to Danny) you're the friend whom i love and hopefully will stay in my life.

Dinesh is as annoying as usual. Hoe's other half. Hoe always goes down to Dinesh's room right after he wake up. It's the Chinese-Indian bond thing. Well, that's what they say. Dinesh will still be here anyways, so not much to say about him.

As for my Baby Love, i'm so excited for your trip to Kuching during my birthday! Love you sweetheart. *kisses*

And again Abby, thanks for being there for me. Somehow i know i'll always be there for you. It took me 2 cups of coffee and one slice of blueberry crumble and 2 fags to finish writing this, Gonna have another one after.

xoxo
MEA

P/S : HOE STOP LOOKING AT ME WHEN I'M WRITING THE BLOG.

It's been a while...

...since i write anything here. A month or so. Well, a lot has changed. I can't believe the only means im communicating with my sister is thru her blog. Something happened in her life and suddenly, she doesn't answer my calls. WTF??? Ever since she and her boyfriend had arguments past raya, she avoided my calls. started not texting me. I had to know what happen from HIS friends. FUNNY MUCH? I'm her sister. How can she not tell me? And after that she told me it's true. And that was it. No calls, No text msgs, NOTHING! And to think that my friends think i "supplied" information to her. HOW CAN I WHEN SHE'S NOT TEXTING OR ANSWERING MY CALLS??? God!!! I hate the guy so much now. Because of him, i loose my sister. If she never talks to me again, I SWEAR, i'll hate him for life. I knew her ever since i got into Kolej, I do not want to loose her now. Pheebs, i miss you!

xoxo

Betrayed?

Can't really explain in detail, but that's how i feel. Supposedly we were close. Super close. Without any stupid secrets and suddenly, the bomb dropped! It was a silly stupid secret and i really felt betrayed. How come i did not know. And others was asked to keep it secret from me. MY OWN FRIENDS too. Who cares right? It's just me. No one would care. First my family doesn't. Now THAT PERSON! OMG. I don't know who to trust anymore. I feel so alone. I feel like crying, but is it worth it? So it's true. People out there are laughing behind my back. I feel so down. I don't know if i can ever feel good ever again. Why did you have to lie to me? You were my best friend, we're family. Why? And yet i still miss you so much! You do know that right? I hope you do. I miss you.

xoxo

August

It's been a while since i updated but i've just been too busy to actually do so. Class started about a week ago and i'm still pretty much busy starting to study. Yeap. That's right, Starting. hahahaha... Anyway i'll write in more when i have the time. A lot of pictures to share! =)

xoxo