I feel hopeless when i am unable to be helpful. It's killing me. I doubt that my friends know how much i love them and at times protect them. I know i'm just human like other people, unable to convince everyone to believe on just one thing. I tried so hard at times that it backfires. In the end i got the bullshits. All i can do is hold on to the people i love as long as they are willing to be with me but once they don't, they slip away. I know it's as if i'm a superhuman wannabe.. but i just do not want my friends to get hurt. My family can manage on their own because i know they can.
On the same note, i don't think my friends realize that most of what i do for them is for their own good. But yea, i'm just a 20-year-old who's voice isn't listened by many. Words that comes from me, they usually ignore. I feel so down and depressed. I always get this shit! I hate it! I wish i could be heartless and just show people a cold face and not care. BUT i can't. That's just not me. Sometimes i think i care too much about other people that they just see me as a newspaper at the side of the road. Read once and then recycled. So pathetic. Maybe that's the problem. I care too much about my friends that they take it for granted. Maybe i should just not care and let them be. Let them do wrongs on their own and when it crashes them, just look and do nothing. I wish i could do that. I hate being angry at my friends, i hate knowing they are angry at me, i hate not speaking to my friends, i hate ignoring my friends. I hate knowing my friends are jumping into a deep waterfall and soon to be drowned, but unable to prevent it. I HATE WHAT I FEEL NOW! I hate knowing that a sweet little pink bird is suffering and unable to fly. I HATE IT! Such a sweet little bird. Why on earth would people see the bird and not help it? Don't you think it's stupid? Don't you? I am somehow very angry but i just have to suck it up.
I love it when my friends know their limits, knows their boundries. I love it when i feel appreciated by them. I love it when they know i am around and think about me, about how i feel. I love it when i cry, i will always have a shoulder to cry on. I love it when i need them, they are there to comfort me. I love it when i am helpless, they come to the rescue. I love it when i am their little sister. I love it when i think of them, i cry in joy. I love it when they are always there. I love it when they include me in everything they do. I love it when they think of me as their friend they will always have. I love it when they know they're wrong, they will apologize. I love it when they know to do the right thing. I love to know that i will never loose them.
If only little pink birds can read, i want you to know that i feel your pain and i know why you can't fly. I don't feel sorry for you but i want you to heal yourself and start to fly again because i know you have the strength to. I want you to know that although i am not on the same tree with you, i am always here for you. I want you to know that i would do anything to see you fly again. I want you to know that i am on your side. I want you to know that the wound you have is not worth the pain. I want you to know that i would do anything to stop the big bird from flying away to another tree. I care for you.
To whomever it matters, you should know that i love you much more tham words can say but please, don't let me think otherwise.
Ola, thanks for always being there.
Cherrio, XOXO
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